[Desire] Welcome to Day 3

Good morning and welcome to Day 3!

Today we will continue frolicking in the muck and filth by mining one of our least appreciated emotional states: jealousy and envy. It will be fun! I promise it will be fun. The Audio is below, and there's a transcript at the bottom of this email for anyone who prefers to read rather than listen.

Listening time: 9:21

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• Desire Day 3 Audio: {link here}
• Transcript: below

Assignment:

Identify something you feel envious or jealous of (or both!). Hold that in your mind, then intentionally recall the somatic experience of desire you found in Day 1. Use that as a dowsing rod to find the desire hidden inside of the jealousy. Write it down, add it to your list from yesterday, or reply here to me if you want to share what you found. I read every response.

And then celebrate! This is Shadow Work baby- it doesn't have to be hard and it doesn't have to be painful.

Enjoy the pulse, and-

Don't go back to sleep.
xoRachel

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Transcript of Day 3:

Day 3 — Envy as a Compass

Welcome back. This is Day Three of Desire.

I hope you made your list yesterday—even if it never sees the light of day. And I hope that when you look back at it, your somatic experience of desire starts to purr.

Today, we’re picking up where we left off with that quote from Kasia Urbaniak: Every complaint hides a desire.

Let’s start with a quick example.

Imagine you’re annoyed with your roommate because they never put the dishes in the dishwasher. They’re always in the sink, or near the sink, like the dishwasher isn’t right there. Or they leave wet towels on the floor. The complaint is: my roommate is a slob.

But underneath that complaint might be a desire for a clean, uncluttered, functional space—one that doesn’t trap your attention or drain your energy. A space where you can focus, relax, and feel clear.

Here’s why this matters. When we lead with complaint or annoyance, our requests sound like attacks. “You always do this.” “Can you pick up your fucking towels?” Even when the request is valid, it lands as hostility.

But when you connect to the desire underneath—this is how I want to feel in my environment—the request becomes an invitation. A desire-based request feels very different from one fueled by irritation.

Today, though, I want to take this a step further.

Instead of working with complaints, we’re going to work with envy.

Envy is an incredibly useful compass because it’s easy to identify—largely because it’s uncomfortable. And it supports the idea I shared on Day One: we don’t author our desires. No one wants to feel envious.

So here’s your task:

Identify something—or someone—you are madly envious of.

Let’s invent an example. Say you and an acquaintance do similar work. You struggle to grow your audience, while they have thousands of followers. Your work is just as good, but they have more eyes on them.

First, let yourself feel the envy. Don’t rush past it.

Then ask yourself: what is it about them that I want access to? Visibility? Ease? Validation? Confidence? Being acknowledged?

Our culture shames the desire to be seen or recognized, but these are deeply human desires. No one wants to be ignored.

Once you’ve named the desire underneath the envy, imagine having it. What would it solve? What tension would it release? And—most importantly—what does it feel like in your body to imagine already having it?

A note on language: envy and jealousy are related but different. Envy is wanting something someone else has. Jealousy is being protective of something that feels yours.

Both are useful.

Maybe you’re jealous of an idea you haven’t shared yet. Maybe you’re both envious and jealous of someone who did the thing you wanted to do first. Rather than judging or suppressing these feelings, treat them as information.

Find the desire inside and underneath the envy or jealousy. Invite it in. Feel it somatically.

That’s Day Three.

Get jealous as hell.
Find the desire beneath it.
Own it.

See you tomorrow.

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